soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
foreskin is a definite game changer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
