We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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