It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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