I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
