You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it glows. i had to have it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
