I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
