i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
