nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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