If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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