She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My life is pants optional.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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