I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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