yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
