the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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