do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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