I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
