i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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