How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize