Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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