Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
