new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As shirtless as possible
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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