Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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