did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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