is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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