So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
false alarm, still single
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