That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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