I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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