Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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