I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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