i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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