There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
actually, I'm a sock model
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
