So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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