...so i touched it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
