nut hugger
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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