Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
