The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
