I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
