no, he came in my armpit
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
