thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
