I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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