That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
