People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
