I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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