You're completely useless in the revolution.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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