DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
