Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
