I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
as a side note pls kill me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
