I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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