Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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