well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You smell like stripper and shame
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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