you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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