Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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