Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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