Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
