Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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