im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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