i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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