here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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