can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
