Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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