we have officially lost it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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