I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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