Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
