my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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