omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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