i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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