my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
